April Connections: Spring and Teen Support
April 28th, 2010
Here is an excerpt from our April “Community Connections” newsletter, updating everyone about funeral home and community news, activities, and some stories about the people who make up our neighborhoods.
April, come she will, and here she is with her mix of sun and showers. With spring in the air and officially on the calendar, we’re ready to get outside and into the yard and garden. Spring does not always cooperate with our plans however. There are sure to be a lot of ups and downs this month.
It’s actually a lot like the second year of grief. You feel like you should be “over it” but you’re not. You no longer have the raw, full fledged, snowed in days but still, you have days that feel longer and colder than they should. This is often a good time to do something positive with a loss. It’s not always easy, but it’s really true that you can help yourself by helping others. Below you’ll meet a Portsmouth teen who decided to do just that. Viva Savanna and Spring too!
“The sun was warm but the wind was chill.
You know how it is with an April day.
When the sun is out and the wind is still,
You’re one month on in the middle of May.
But if you so much as dare to speak,
a cloud come over the sunlit arch,
And wind comes off a frozen peak,
And you’re two months back in the middle of March.”
When Savanna, a 16 year old senior at Portsmouth High School, was faced with a “Senior Project” requirement, she knew exactly what she wanted to do.
Having lost her father 2 years prior, Savanna wanted to do something for other teens who had experienced loss. “It was really hard even with the support I got from family and friends- I felt like I really needed to talk to other people my own age who would really understand- but there was no group available in our area.”
Interviewed by Maria Rege: What was your hope for the group?
Savanna: I had hoped that 7 or 8 students who had lost parents or siblings, could meet for 6 weeks to talk about their grief and what helped them cope with it. It didn’t turn out that way though. Instead we had 3 students who had lost a Grandparent or an Uncle. But it turned out well. I was surprised that we could relate to each other even though the losses were different. They were all really close relationships- that was the common thread.”
M: What did you add to your own loss experience to prepare for this kind of project?
S: I met with a mentor (Maria Rege) at Memorial Funeral Home to develop themes for each week, and worked with my psychology teacher, Mr. Ryan, who sat in on our groups. I did some research online, read some books on teens and grief, and went to the “Comfort Zone Camp” where I met people my own age who had lost parents. I also helped out at an adult support group for young widows. I was in charge of the kids while the parents met. One little boy was just 4 years old. He told me that his father had died. When I told him that my dad had died too he was so excited – two completely different people- two totally different age groups but still we were able to relate to each other. That was such a cool experience to have with someone so young!
M: What did you learn from this project? What would you change if anything?
S: I’d like to do another group with more people and wish we could have opened it up to the whole island because it might have been a more diverse group that way and people would have had different perspectives. I liked that we mixed it up each week- sometimes talking and sometimes doing things like making memory boxes. You don’t always have to talk – you need to be flexible. It was good to have a plan but I needed to be ready to change it depending on how the group was going each time. It went really well overall. The people who came said it really helped. They really got something out of it.
M: What’s next for you?
S: Well, I’d love to see this group continue at PHS, but even if it doesn’t, I feel good about helping out some people by doing this project this year. Next year I’d like to try to start a group at college.
M: Do you have a message for other teens who are dealing with grief and loss?
S: Having bad days- letting it out makes it easier to get through. Holding it in isn’t going to get you anywhere. If you’re a teen in this situation it’s worth really trying to find a group and if you can’t – you can always start your own!
M: Thank you Savanna, and congratulations on a terrific project!