Brick House (Hambly), pls. call us to register

9/23 Ann Hood, author of The Knitting Circle, Comfort and The Red Thread

will talk & Sign her books, Thursday, 6pm

Brick House, pls. call to register

9/30 Knitting Circle with Caroline Musgrave of Knitting Needles (as a follow up to

Ann’s book signing), Thursday, 6pm

Brick House, pls. call to register

9/25 2nd Annual AFSP Walk For Suicide Prevention

Saturday, 9am registration/10am walk, Easton’s Beach (meet at the flag pole)

registration also available on-line @ AFSP.org

10/6 Building Bridges General Grief Group begins (6 weeks)

Wednesday 4:30-6pm, United Congregational Church, Valley Road, Middletown

pls call Alison @ 683-2100 x 485 to register

On July 3rd, I had my broadcast debut on WADK with Brian Hubbard, LICSW, (who practices Empowerment Therapy in Newport) on his weekly (Saturdays at 10am) stress management show (Stress Busters, week 22) to talk a little bit about the stress of grief; how it manifests and how we cope with it’s symptoms. After employing a few breathing techniques, I was able to answer the questions posed to me, but I left with questions of my own. Namely, how does someone with visual and hearing impairments find himself authoring books, speaking nationally, creating a successful non-profit organization (Counseling For Independent Living), and offering counsel to hundreds of people challenged by change?

(Maria) How long ago did you lose your ability to see and hear and what was the cause?

(Brian) My hearing was noticed as an infant when I didn’t turn to face my dear mom when she came in to welcome the morning to me. The diagnosis of retinitis pigmentosa, or RP, followed. The RP, a progressive disease, slowly kept deteriorating, loss after loss, but with adjustment time as well, until finally I lost all my vision between years of 1996-1998, characterized by some good days, some bad days, and finally all bad days. This put more stress on my communication issues as my ability to ‘lip read’ was compromised, and you know the rest of that story with a double cochlear implant. At my last testing, I was told my hearing just about normal in pure tones and much improved with background noise.

(M) How do your challenges affect your ability to offer counsel to people?

(B) I think I can safely say I am an expert in loss and grief, also having become quite interested and specializing in spiritual issues. By spiritual, I do not mean religious, although religion can be anchored in spirituality, but, rather to find an ability to find authentic inner peace.

(M) What is your guiding philosophy when working with people challenged by loss and change?

(B) My guiding philosophy is to let people be, to let them be themselves, establishing a trusting alliance, so we can explore together where their pain in life is anchored. Eventually, I help them come to see that pain is a positive thing, as it is a body signal telling us on an authentic level, that something is ‘off’ in our lives and we need to shift a bit to get back on track in alignment with our authentic lives, steps necessary to become more empowered and live more satisfying lives. This is not glorification or romanticization of pain, nor is it a welcoming of it, but to be understood for what it really is, a beautiful body signal, as the body never lies, telling us that we really need to shift our ship’s course to bring reason and passion back into balance again, to make life really worth living again, just as I have come to do.

(M) Are there one or two suggestions you can make for people who are feeling overwhelmed by their

situation- people who, for the moment, cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel?

(B) For those burdened with whatever form of pain, the very first step to transcending the ego into true awareness into the peaceful inner world is just that, awareness. The split second one becomes aware of being entrapped into their inauthentic selves, which is signaled by bodily emotional pain, they are taking the very first step into awareness and are no longer identifying with their pain, but, rather, detaching from it and becoming aware that many more choices are really at disposal. This in itself can be very uplifting. There are many techniques to accomplish this in addition to insight oriented psychotherapy, including mindfulness techniques, progressive body relaxation and other awareness techniques. The important issue to understand is that these techniques are ‘means’ to reach the ‘here and now’ goal of presence and awareness of one’s spiritual self, a state of being as opposed to doing.

(M) Thank you Brian!

For more information, please visit Brian’s website.

Malia O’Neill Edenbach

Luka Lalli

Nugget Matos

Maggie Rege

Go to our Tributes for Tails page: http://www.firstgiving.com/tributes

Thanks for supporting us, and spending a moment to remember our friends.

Our new “Short Talks” series at the Middletown Senior Center continues this month, as does our general grief support group with VNS Hospice of Bristol and Newport Counties, “Building Bridges”.

One of our group members will lead “Lost and Found: A Vision Board Workshop”, to get us thinking more clearly about the future and what we want in it.

We’re gearing up for our annual “Memory Gardens” workshop in June and in September, a new project with Salve Regina University’s Department of Nursing that will allow us to more closely and effectively match students with grieving families whose children need care or mentoring.

And while Last month, Savanna taught us a little bit about grief from a teen perspective; this month we’ll focus on the younger set with help from out friends at The Potter League. Our “Pet Heaven” workshop will invite children to learn a little bit about loss and celebrating/commemorating a life lived, while making garden stones in memory of a beloved pet to take home. Below, we connect with Lynne Mallonee Sabel, Director of Humane Education about her work with children and the life lessons taught by their pets.

So try a group, experience a workshop or just stop by for a “Short Talk” if you need one and if you don’t- pass the word to someone who does!

“You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us”~ Robert Louis Stevenson

The Power of Pets

When Lynne Mallonee Sabel of the Potter League for Animals and her band of volunteers walk into a classroom, they are greeted with a warm welcome. The students all know that the topic on the table will be pets and for many of us, they are just as important as people!

Maria: What is the purpose of the Potter League’s Humane Education program ?

Lynne: Over the last 27 years, the Potter League has has grown the Humane Education program, which now reaches out to nearly all of the schools on the island and in Tiverton, to teach students about pet ownership and wildlife appreciation.

M: How do you do it??

L: We present age appropriate curriculums that last about 7 weeks. Our time is limited, but the lessons often become interdisciplinary, carrying over to other subjects at school. We also leave resources for teachers and students that stay in the classroom for the entire session including books and stuffed animals.

M: One of the lessons is on pet loss. Why go there?

L: Allowing a child to have a pet opens the door to so many life lessons: responsibility, love, loyalty and death too. We talk about saying goodbye and making it a “good” goodbye even if it feels bad at first.

M: Is there a book you’d recommend for kids who are dealing with the loss of a pet?

L: We use several good books, but I really like “The Tenth Good Thing About Barney” because it’s very accepting of different beliefs and the story walks children through that “good” goodbye.

M: How do students respond to it?

L: Not all students are ready to hear it, but many are and those who have had the experience often want to share it with us.

M: Can you help a family or speak to groups in addition to your school presentations? Are you offering other educational opportunities at the Potter League?

L: Yes, we can speak to groups and families too, and yes, this summer we’ll be offering our 2nd season of camps- to find out more about that you can log onto our website!

M: Thank you Lynne!

Groups This Month: Lost and Found

Losing a loved one can trigger many secondary losses- loss of social ties, of financial security, of identity, future plans and even meaning. If you have lost a loved one and are wondering “What’s next?”, Join us for this creative and informative workshop led by a woman who has lived through loss and found hope for the future through the use of vision boards. Come learn about the history of this technique and the science behind it, as you cut and paste your way to a vision of your own!

Please Call to register 846-0698

Thursday, May 20th, 6-8pm

Brick House 30 Red Cross Ave, Newport

Call to register, 846-0698

Up Next: Pet Heaven

A child’s first experience with grief and loss often involves a beloved pet. Be it a dog, cat, fish or turtle, children will learn about commemorating and celebrating the life of a favorite animal friend, while creating a Memorial Garden Stone to take home. Parents are welcome to stay or drop children off for this free program sponsored by MFH and The Potter League.

Please call to register: 846-0698

Saturday, May 22nd, 10:30 a.m.-12:00

The Potter League, 87 Oliphant Lane, Middletown

Burial and Cemetery Terms-

Crypt: An above ground space capable of holding a casket.

Lawn Crypt: The pre-constructed, pre-buried vault in the ground capable of holding a casket.

Mausoleum Crypt: An above ground space in a mausoleum (building) capable of holding a casket. A space in a mausoleum capable of holding two caskets.

Endowment Care or Perpetual Care: A trust fund established to provide for the permanent upkeep and care of cemetery buildings and grounds.

Entombment: The placement of human remains in a crypt.

Funeral Service: A type of service where often the body is present in a casket.

Interment: the burial of a deceased body.

Liner: also called a Grave Box, it is an un-sealed, non-protective outer container used to encase a casket for ground burial. It is usually not required by law, however, most cemeteries require this minimum outer container to support the earth above the casket.

Lot

A group of graves in the same space of land designated for the burial of human remains.

Mausoleum: A permanent building above or partially above ground for the entombment of human remains.

Memorial on Monument: A headstone, monument, marker, name-plate or inscription identifying human remains or cremated remains (also called memorialization).

Memorial Service: A type service that may be with or without a casket, body or urn present. Can be held in a church, funeral home, or nearly any location.

Opening and Closing: The preparation of a grave, space, crypt or niche to receive the human remains or cremated remains and the sealing of the grave, space, crypt, or niche after interment.  Often the digging of an earth grave.

Plot: Two or more adjoining graves, crypts, or niches in a cemetery or mausoleum.

Vase: A receptacle for the placement of flowers on a grave, crypt, or niche.

Vault: A sealed, protective outer container used for the burial of a casket. An upgrade from a non-sealing grave liner. Often made of concrete with a fiberglass, plastic, or metal lining.

Viewing: Usually a private, set time where family members can view the decedent and make formal identification prior to cremation or burial.

Wake, visiting hours, visitation, or calling hours: A set time period where family and friends can visit a bereaved family to offer condolences, and often to view the deceased to say good bye.

Cremation Terms-

Columbarium: The arrangement of niches in a building, or a room, for the display of urns containing cremated remains.

Cremated Remains, Cremains: Often called ashes, it is the human remains after the cremation process is complete

Interment: The disposition of remains by burial, either a casket or an urn.

Inurnment: The placing of cremated remains in a grave or niche.

Memorial Service: A type of funeral service where the body is not present.

Niche: A space capable of holding cremated remains.

Opening and Closing: The preparation of a grave, space, crypt or niche to receive the human remains or cremated remains and the sealing of the grave, space, crypt, or niche after interment.  Often the digging of an earth grave.

Plot: Two or more adjoining graves, crypts, or niches.

Scattering: The spreading of cremated remains in a designated area, on land or at sea.

Urn: A receptacle into which cremated remains are placed.

Urn Vault: A sealed, protective outer container for an urn that is to be buried in the ground.

Viewing: A scheduled time where family members can view the deceased. It can be a public wake, a private gathering, or a formal identification prior to cremation or burial.

Wake, visiting hours, visitation or calling hours: A set time period where family and friends can visit a bereaved family to offer condolences and often view the deceased to say good bye.

April, come she will, and here she is with her mix of sun and showers. With spring in the air and officially on the calendar, we’re ready to get outside and into the yard and garden. Spring does not always cooperate with our plans however. There are sure to be a lot of ups and downs this month.

It’s actually a lot like the second year of grief. You feel like you should be “over it” but you’re not. You no longer have the raw, full fledged, snowed in days but still, you have days that feel longer and colder than they should. This is often a good time to do something positive with a loss. It’s not always easy, but it’s really true that you can help yourself by helping others. Below you’ll meet a Portsmouth teen who decided to do just that. Viva Savanna and Spring too!

“The sun was warm but the wind was chill.
You know how it is with an April day.
When the sun is out and the wind is still,
You’re one month on in the middle of May.
But if you so much as dare to speak,
a cloud come over the sunlit arch,
And wind comes off a frozen peak,
And you’re two months back in the middle of March.”

-Robert Frost

When Savanna, a 16 year old senior at Portsmouth High School, was faced with a “Senior Project” requirement, she knew exactly what she wanted to do.

Having lost her father 2 years prior, Savanna wanted to do something for other teens who had experienced loss. “It was really hard even with the support I got from family and friends- I felt like I really needed to talk to other people my own age who would really understand- but there was no group available in our area.”
Interviewed by Maria Rege: What was your hope for the group?

Savanna: I had hoped that 7 or 8 students who had lost parents or siblings, could meet for 6 weeks to talk about their grief and what helped them cope with it. It didn’t turn out that way though. Instead we had 3 students who had lost a Grandparent or an Uncle. But it turned out well. I was surprised that we could relate to each other even though the losses were different. They were all really close relationships- that was the common thread.”

M: What did you add to your own loss experience to  prepare for this kind of project?

S: I met with a mentor (Maria Rege) at Memorial Funeral Home to develop themes for each week, and worked with my psychology teacher, Mr. Ryan, who sat in on our groups. I did some research online, read some books on teens and grief, and went to the “Comfort Zone Camp” where I met people my own age who had lost parents. I also helped out at an adult support group for young widows. I was in charge of the kids while the  parents met. One little boy was just 4 years old. He told me that his father had died. When I told him that my dad had died too he was so excited – two completely different people- two totally different age groups but still we were able to relate to each other. That was such a cool experience to have with someone so young!

M: What did you learn from this project? What would you change if anything?

S: I’d like to do another group with more people and wish we could have opened it up to the whole island because it might have been a more diverse group that way and people would have had different perspectives. I liked that we mixed it up each week- sometimes talking and sometimes doing things like making memory boxes. You don’t always have to talk – you need to be flexible. It was good to have a plan but I needed to be ready to change it depending on how the group was going each time. It went really well overall. The people who came said it really helped. They really got something out of it.

M: What’s next for you?

S: Well, I’d love to see this group continue at PHS, but even if it doesn’t, I feel good about helping out some people by doing this project this year. Next year I’d like to try to start a group at college.

M: Do you have a message for other teens who are dealing with grief and loss?

S: Having bad days- letting it out makes it easier to get through. Holding it in isn’t going to get you anywhere. If you’re a teen in this situation it’s worth really trying to find a group and if you can’t – you can always start your own!

M: Thank you Savanna, and congratulations on a terrific project!

Cooking For You!

Front Row: Mary Kennedy, Martha Marchetti, Mrs. Richards, Rachel McDonald, Lisa Alves, Mrs. Rizzi,

Back Row: Eddie Gurka, Jim Towey, Sam Matos, Sean Hackett, Jeff Smith, Barbara Carnes

Not Pictured: Brian Massarotti, Christine Peideia, Robert Edenbach

Wishing you all a belated Happy New Year! Our February issue likely finds you back to work, trying to stay warm, and hunting for cabin fever remedies. And just when you thought you’d made it through the holidays, here comes another one (see below). But the days are getting longer and signs of spring are on the horizon, so keep the faith, the sun is out, the crocuses are coming and even Valentine’s Day is doable!

“Love doesn’t make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile.”
–Elizabeth Browning

The “L” Word

Well here comes another Valentine’s day. Good news if you own a card company or have a sweetheart. Is it bad news if you don’t? Not necessarily…

The History of Valentines Day is a little gray with mention of Roman soldiers, saints and such- but no one can debate the be-all end-all of the day: LOVE. Yes, it’s true that romantic love has traditionally stolen the spotlight for centuries but these are modern times- times that recognize 152 types of intelligence and get this- somewhere between 3 and 11 types of love (depending on your source; the Greeks, the Bible or Psychology Today). We even have 50 ways in which to leave one.

So, here’s the good news- in addition to our romantic relationships we have many other outlets and inlets for love- BIG love. How about our friendships, children, family and pets? Yes, those relationships too are worthy of celebration on the 14th. So if romance is in your cards carry on- if for whatever reason it isn’t, read on!

5 ideas for Celebrating Valentine’s Day 2010…
1. Celebrate your friendships: see a movie, have a dinner party, go to lunch
2. Celebrate with the children in your life: make Valentines, bake cookies, get an ice cream together, see a movie
3. Send cards(or e-cards for a greener day) to people you know who may otherwise not be getting one
4. Do something nice for someone in memory of someone you love
5. Bring in some flowers or treats to a nursing home or shelter

Whatever you do, try to enjoy the day. Recall the love in your life that you have given and recieved. Maybe it wasn’t perfect. Maybe it didn’t last as long as you would have liked. Maybe it has at times caused more angst than assurance. Still, it’s good stuff.
This Month:

Cooking For You:
Cereal for Supper? If you are new to cooking on your own, or never mastered the basics in the kitchen, join our resident chef Ed Gurka for this hands on workshop that will have you cooking and eating deliciously and nutritiously! This is a hands on cooking class, you will be on your feet in the kitchen, learning how to use utensils and read a recipe. Space is limited, please call to sign up.
Wednesday 2/24, 5:00-7:00
Call to register: 846-0350
Next Month

Have you lost a loved one this year? Are you wondering if your grief is too strong or lasting too long? Join us for our 6 week support and education program, Building Bridges (with Hospice at VNS of Newport and Bristol Counties, to dispel the myths and shed some light on the real road to healing and peace after loss.
Wednesday, March 3rd 4:30-6:00pm
Call Alison to register
682-2100 x485
Coming Up…

Side-By-Side: Loss of a Spouse/Partner:
Are you grieving the loss of your spouse or partner? Join us for this 6-week program to share stories and support while exploring ideas for staying healthy through this challenging time.
Thursday, April 1st
4:30-6:00pm
Call to register: 846-0350

February 24th
5-7pm
Saint Barnabas Church
1697 East Main Rd
Portsmouth, RI
Cooking For You: Cereal for supper? Not anymore! Join our resident chef, Ed Gurka and company for this hands-on workshop that will have you cooking and eating deliciously and nutritiously.

March 3rd
4:30-6:00pm
United Congregational Church
524 Valley Road Valley Road
Middletown, RI
Building Bridges: Our six week general education and support group with Hospice @ VNS of Newport and Bristol Counties

April 1st
4:30-6:00pm
United Congregational Church
524 Valley Road Valley Road
Middletown, RI
Side-By-Side: Loss of a Spouse /Partner
Our six week support and education group for those grieving the loss of a spouse or partner

We’d like to share with the community to congratulate our community pet heroes, the Robert Potter League for Animals, in their new facility, the Gold LEED certification for a sustainable design and construction, and for the many volunteers that make the place a wonderful place to give back.

“Animals are such agreeable friends – they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.”
George Eliot

If you are not one of the 57% of all Americans who have a pet, you may want to consider it. Science is backing what many of us have long felt. Pets are good for us in more ways than one.

Research shows that caring for an animal can improve your mental and physical well-being-with a few caveats.

By Karen Springen
Newsweek Web Exclusive Jan 11, 2008

Sure, pets provide companionship and unconditional love. But research has shown that they can also help reduce stress and blood pressure in owners, increase longevity in those who’ve had heart attacks, and even relax and improve the appetites of Alzheimer’s patients. “Any disease condition that has a stress-related component to it, we believe pets could ameliorate stress and moderate the situation,” says biologist Erika Friedmann, a professor at the University of Maryland School of Nursing.
Click for more.

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.”
Mark Twain

From our March issue of Community Connections Newsletter

For information about what to do when you have lost a best friend pet, contact the funeral home, we have products for pet memorials, urns, and advice about creating a special tribute.